There are many challenges of which I know, and so many, many more that I don’t. I think my greatest struggle at this time in my life is when I’m doing something that I know is not healthy or “good for me.” Be it not exercising, or reacting in a mean way to the people I love, or being edgy with someone who isn’t moving fast enough, or being on my phone when I know that meditating or reading – or doing just about anything else, would be a way better use my time that ultimately will make me feel better about myself.
I sometimes wish that I wasn’t so aware at those times. I suppose that a job hazard of being a life coach/consultant/workshop leader for 30+ years is that there is very little that I’m not aware of – powerful and not – as I’m doing it. Honestly, sometimes I wish I could be oblivious to when I’m being an ass or a bitch – I don’t think I really mean that, but sometimes I do.
Recently in the course of my work, I came up with a model or a template for living a transformed life that is a great way to move powerfully through the different aspects of developing yourself. Though the percentages are far from scientific, they are not random, and I think the order of the five stages is right on. For those of you who are visual learners, there is a graph below the descriptions.
The Path To Living a Transformed Life
1. See Yourself in a Different Light
This initial step is categorized by self-awareness, a newfound insight, turning around fast enough to see yourself. It allows you to fundamentally see yourself and the way you operate in a different way. It has the flavor of, “aha” or “shit – I had no idea” or “I can’t believe I…” It is often followed by a sense of peace or calm or relief or great sadness – all of which are right on to have a new view of one’s self…especially when you can see all of the ways that behavior has affected your life.
This first phase is 75% of the journey. I’ve chosen that number because of the runway we have to use to get there.
2. Realize You Have a Choice
Once you’ve had the awakening, the next piece is seeing, because of that insight, that you actually have a choice about the way you want to behave. The insight itself moves one from being a victim of the world around them to having clarity that you are the one who gets to say how you are going to respond. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we can change the circumstances. It means – that regardless of the circumstances – we can determine how we are going to deal with life given our new perspective.
The realization that one has a choice is the next 5%. It seems to come if you’re looking for it with the journey of self-awareness.
3. Make The Decision
The next space is making the decision about who you’re going to be. Just because you “realize” you have a choice doesn’t mean you’ll make the choice. It’s funny, the awareness and seeing that you have a choice leaves you at a fork in the road. But the thing about that division of the road is that you can choose either path. This world of transformation has you pick the path with eyes wide open versus eyes wide shut. One of the most difficult aspects of this phase is thinking something like, “I HAVE to pick this path.” The reality is, no you don’t. The power of this is realizing that either path is ok – but now you’re just aware as opposed to blindly and reactively going down the path you’ve always gone.
This part of the formula gets 10%. It gets more than the realization of the choice because it is such an active part of the process. This piece is often challenging because you have to go through realizing that really truly having a choice means that you are responsible for making it – with all of the possible benefits and consequences that choice brings.
4. Now What...
Next step – figuring out what you specifically need to do, say, think about, read, talk about, learn, etc. to have the insight and the choice alive in your day to day life. Insights without action are not usually effective at all. Sometimes, this phase gets scary, adrenaline starts pumping, thoughts like, “I can’t…” come into play. If that’s happening, go back to step #1 to remind yourself.
Figuring out these actions, plans and the support system is 5%. It’s 5% because it’s still in the “thinking” phase.
5. Practice. Practice. Practice.
Last, but not least is the most challenging of all…practice. Practicing is usually an entire journey in and of itself. The bigger the insight, the more practice we need in order to have it come to reality in our lives.
It’s funny, this last piece gets 5% - but it’s the last 5% - and the difference between 95% and 100% is one hundred percent. That’s just how that works.
As I go through this, I can see the areas of my life and which phase I’m in. There are some of those areas where I am honestly not committed to making a change in the choice that I know I have. I’m sure there are other areas where I haven’t had the “awakening” yet. I can’t possibly know what those are because I have yet to see them.
Of course, there are areas where I’m practicing and practicing and practicing some more. There are days when I’m so proud of myself and other days where I am so pissed and embarrassed that I’m still practicing. And, so it goes…the template is not about the end, it’s just another way to look at the journey and the process.
Please let me know what you think of the model. I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights.
Thanks for reading and for the things I know you’re doing to be your best self…it sure can be tough – but also amazing…and that’s what has us take the next step.
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